cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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