I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
