I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
