hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
