based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
