I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
