I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
