I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
