sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's blow job season.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
