that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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