I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
