Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
