Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
