I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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