This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
