So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
