What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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