Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
