It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
