where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
