Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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