this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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