apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
