I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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