Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
