its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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