So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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