I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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