the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
