My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
