When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
