Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
