Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
