Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
