At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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