I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
worst night to have a conscience
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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