12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
