But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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