sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
