wat bout pragnant strippers??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
