Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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