Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
