Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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