If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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