People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
