best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
