Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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