I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We have so much sex to catch up on
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
