I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
