ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
