K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
