I puked a lego.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
