whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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