I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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