I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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