Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found puke in my bra..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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