So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
don't judge my taste in strippers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
