i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
