Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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