The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
