He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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