please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
