After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
