he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just blew my weed a kiss
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
