I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
