i barfeds in our rink
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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