Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
