smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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