Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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