its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
