dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Are my feet made of real feet?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
