me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
