I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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