hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
