when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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