i think my mom watched the whole time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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