Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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