my being single is dangerous.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
