Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
