Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
